The 25 Types of FRPG Players

1. The Real Man - "Hot Diggity!!! Gnoll outpost at twelve o'clock!!! CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!"

2. The Real Roleplayer - "Don't start yet! I need my two minutes to get properly into character."

3. The Loonie - "I sheath my longsword and kiss the ogre on the lips."

4. The Munchkin - "Five arch-devils and two demigods? That's ALL?! I guess I'll only need to use six of my rings for this encounter."

5. The Coward - "Yikes! Three kobolds!!! Retreat! Retreat!"

6. The Troublemaker - "Just before the Mayor gives his speech to the town, I cast command: vomit on him."

7. The Novice - "I just rolled a 2 on my 'to hit' roll. Did I want high or low?"

8. The Tactician - "The archer will move silently into position behind the podium, carefully aiming at the sergeant. The mage will remain behind the door in preparation of a sleep spell which will be centered at the table around which are the bulk of the guards. Meanwhile, the fighter and I..."

9. The Quiet Type - "I dunno... I lob off another arrow at the monster this round, I guess."

10. The Punster - "You know how many clerics it takes to fix a light bulb? One to cast cure light."

11. The PC Infighter - "Since Ruth's been such a twit, I hit her in the face with my flail while she's casting her find familiar spell."

12. Joe I-Got-the-Rules-Down-Pat - "No, if you look in the DMG, page 87, paragraph 5, you'll find this spell won't affect griffons."

13. The Whiner - "Three points?! I take THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE!?! Frank, what the hell kind of grudge do you have against me?"

14. The Bully - "Are you sure I don't make my saving throw? Are you absolutely sure? Do you want to keep your nose the way it is, Lou?"

15. Mr. Greedy - "So it's not evil? And it's not attacking? So what! I WANT THAT XP!!!"

16. The Cheater - "I roll an... 18! It hits!" [Quickly grabs dice.]

17. The Chastiser - "And you DIDN'T SEE THAT TRAP COMING? Hahahahahaha! Just how long did you say you've been playing this game?"

18. The Kamikaze Guy - "I jump off our perch, taking careful aim to land dead center on the hobgoblin patrol. Just before I hit the ground, though, I set off the fire trap on all my nine flasks of oil."

19. The Good Roller - "Oh, looky here. A 03 on percentile dice. If that door was trapped, I just found something."

20. The Bad Roller - "Oh, damn it all! Another critical fumble!!"

21. The Braggart - "The thought of you attacking me isn't even interesting. I could get off a sleep spell and slit your unconscious throat before you even get your longsword out of its sheath."

22. The Reminiscer - "Say, y'know, this is like the time our party thief spent twenty minutes trying to lock-pick an unlocked door."

23. Goody Two-Shoes - "Wait a minute. Even if they are orcs, we just can't kill them when they're asleep and can't defend themselves."

24. The Overoptimistic Daydreamer - "After we get through this campaign, and have gained about nine, ten levels, I'm going to buy me the finest battle axe +3 money can buy."

25. Short-Attention-Span Man - "Hmmm? What? Are we attacking now?"