Messages from the
Game Operations Director

Famous Last Words



  • "HEY LOOK!... ARCHERS!!"
  • "Hey Thor! I'll bet if you'll put your hammer down I can take you on!"
  • "Wait... Dragons can only breathe fire once per day right?"
  • "Demogoron? Great! Do you know how many XP he's worth?"
  • "You can come. There's no danger anymore."
  • "Hey, they're dwarves; me too. I can calm them down."
  • "No problem. I can hold my breath 16 minutes."
  • "The Fire Drake's tracks go into this cavern, let's go in."
  • "I walk into the raiders' camp and ask to use the toilet."
  • "Is that the best you can do?"
  • "Just one more room..."
  • "Relax, nothing was there. What are you looking at?"
  • "What do you mean a 'herd of Tarrasque'?"
  • "I'll just fly over the dragon's lair on my pegasus and see if it's still there"
  • "Don't worry, it's safe. Nothing happened last time we camped here."
  • "The huge red dragon is flying toward me with his mouth open? Ok, I roll for initiative with my bastard sword."
  • "What if we drained this fountain that acts as a portal to the elemental plane of water with my bag of holding?."
  • "Well, he's OK, Know Alignment works on anybody."
  • "Oh, shit."
  • "Gorgons? OK, everybody hold your breath."
  • "I think level draining's only temporary. Keep attacking."
  • "Rakshasas? Quick, break out the poisoned bolts."
  • "A stone golem? I draw my sword and hit it."
  • "Awright! I can cast stoneskin! Now I'm invincible!"
  • "What's a wild-magic zone?"
  • "What do you mean, the item's not in my backpack any more?"
  • "Come on, what could possibly go wrong?"
  • "It _has_ to be an illusion - I attempt to disbelieve it."
  • "The bridge looks sturdy enough."
  • "I'll poke it with my sword."
  • "It's just a goblin."
  • "Poke it! It's dead, what is it going to do?"
  • "Damn it, where did I put that slay dragon scroll?"
  • "I can use my Psionic powers on this Mindflayer."
  • "No problem, I have a Staff of Fire."
  • "Coward! There's only THREE of them!"
  • "Come and fight me, you evil creature!"
  • "Of course its evil, kill it!"
  • "It can't talk to us like that!"
  • "What do you mean, how many hit points do I have?"
  • "Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?"
  • "No really. I can do this."
  • "Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round, maybe..."
  • "I open the coffin... SLOWLY."
  • "Boost me up."
  • "You mean it was a GOOD dragon?"
  • "I'll steal the 20+ level mage's pouch."
  • "What the hell, there's six of us and only 5 type VI demons."
  • "A wish? Okay, genie, make me a ham sandwich."
  • "Hey, all I need is a two or better to save vs. poison."
  • "YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!"
  • "I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough."
  • "What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?"
  • "Wait! What does Death Spell do?"
  • "Go ahead and drink it."
  • "I'll never surrender."
  • "It was a joke."
  • "Hey guys, where are you?"
  • "I mix the potions and drink."
  • "There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that."
  • "Featherball! I mean, featherrrr........"
  • "Do you realize what you just did?"
  • "Tell me this is an illusion."
  • "What do you mean, my spell expired."
  • "I'll cast Fireball."
  • "Let's go in."
  • "Let's not go in."
  • "I follow them."
  • "I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."
  • "I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."
  • "I kill it."
  • "No problem."
  • "Let me handle this."
  • "Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"
  • "What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."
  • "I though YOU brought the food!"
  • "Why is your torch flame turning blue?"
  • "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
  • "Trust me."
  • "I never get lost."
  • "He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"
  • "They're only kobolds!"
  • "Hey, this chest just bit me!"
  • "I try to move silently in plate armor..."
  • "I didn't find any traps!"
  • "Wonder what this button does?"
  • "Don't worry, he's probably just first level."
  • "This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."
  • "I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror."
  • "Can I eat this green slime?"
  • "What's your alignment?"
  • "My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory."
  • "I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly."
  • "Why is this man speaking in sign language?"
  • "This type of undead can't drain levels."
  • "I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"
  • "We're in luck! The dragon is sleeping."
  • "That's only a statue."
  • "There's no trap on the door, so let's open it."
  • "I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"
  • "Don't worry, the DM won't hose me."
  • "The DM's an idiot."
  • "We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."
  • "I see HOW MANY wights?!"
  • "It was only the wind."
  • "Don't worry, wyverns don't attack unless they're provoked."
  • "You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding the treasure."
  • "A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."
  • "I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."
  • "They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible."
  • "I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get it's attention."
  • "Who's the bitch with the spiders?"
  • "We killed all monsters on this level."
  • "I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."
  • "Well..., I'll touch it again."
  • "I'll scout ahead."
  • "I attempt to disbelieve."
  • "I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."
  • "My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me? OK, I shoot again!"
  • "Where'd that thief go now?"
  • "Hey guys... Wait up."
  • "Trap? What trap?"
  • "So what?"
  • "Ya know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."
  • "A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."
  • "OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"
  • "No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a Disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it."
  • "Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard."
  • "Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us."
  • "So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."
  • "Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"
  • "Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinintesimal."
  • "Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me."
  • "So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure."
  • "Me first. Me first."
  • "Try me, sh*t breath!"
  • "Oops, sorry... Didn't mean to disturb you."
  • "Come on, we haven't found any traps so far."
  • "Diamonds... Gold... Sapphires!!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy!!!! Terry... Terry...??"
  • "Let's walk this way."
  • "Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."
  • "I never get to have any fun!"
  • "You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"
  • "Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."
  • "What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"
  • "Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"
  • "Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."
  • "I'm invincible!"
  • "A sign labeled 'pit'? I walk up to it."
  • "No problem. That's easy!"
  • "Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points."
  • "I don't care. I have a Ring of Regeneration."
  • "Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."
  • "I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."
  • "I wonder what's in here?"
  • "He wouldn't try that trick again!"
  • "Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."
  • "What do you mean trolls regenerate?!"
  • "Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."
  • "I'll open it."
  • "It seems easy enough."
  • "I think he can be trusted."
  • "Those noises are probably nothing."
  • "I'll pull the lever."
  • "Money!"
  • "Magic is for wimps."
  • "Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC."
  • "Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"
  • "AGAIN?!"
  • "I'll use my taunt skill."
  • "Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."
  • "My God will protect me."
  • "You don't look like a mage!"
  • "It'd be stupid to trap this!"
  • "Here, hold this rope while I go down."
  • "Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"
  • "I know an illusion when I see one."
  • "There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe."
  • "I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."
  • "Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"
  • "A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"
  • "So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very big militia."
  • "What do you mean, 'Your wand ran out of charges.'?"
  • "Oh these, I've fought them before..."
  • "He looks like a sunburnt elf?"
  • "All that noise we heard and there's only one drow here?"
  • "You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"
  • "Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"
  • "I can't possibly miss..."
  • "I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"
  • "Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."
  • "Is this one really able to breath fire?"
  • "What do you mean, 'How many hit points do I have RIGHT NOW?'?"
  • "Come on, EVERY evil wizard's tomb has a way out!"
  • "It can't be a beholder, we're only first level!"
  • "When nobody's looking, I go back to get some more gems."
  • "It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff."
  • "He's only an ordinary 15th level magic user."
  • "What do you mean, 'The trap WASN'T armed.'? What was that Remove Traps roll for anyway!?"
  • "How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not wanting to come in here!"
  • "What do you mean, 'Green slime ain't always green.'?"
  • "Nah... The game's just started... He wouldn't put a fatal death trap in yet..."
  • "You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing."
  • "(To Angry Red Dragon) Did anyone tell you you had bad breath?"
  • "There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?"
  • "A red WHAT swoops out of the sky at us?"
  • "I'll swim across."
  • "I throw the rock into the dark cave."
  • "I run down the hallway alone."
  • "I'll use the wand of wonder."
  • "I want to check out the magic tome."
  • "Hmm... I'll try Chain Lightning."
  • "Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff. Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on it's eyes to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics."
  • "Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take the slack [700'] and jump in."
  • "There's only 10 kobolds and there's 8 of us. Attack!"
  • "I dive through the fire."
  • "Follow those lights!"
  • "There's a company of 100 barbarians guarding the pass."
  • "I don't think they want us to cross these mountains."
  • "So what?"
  • "It's only a naga."
  • "I'm not going to waste spells on THEM!"
  • "That's right, I'm going to polymorph into a pergrine falcon and attempt to land on the back of one of the 12 griffons flying above us."
  • "I think we can take it down."
  • "There only a pack of kobolds."
  • "Does a three save?"
  • "C'mon guys -- he can't kill _all_ of us!"
  • "I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops."
  • "There's only three of them. Watch the one that looks like Death, though."
  • "Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around."
  • "Hmm... How do we know you are the REAL Angel of Death?"
  • "Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich.... And we've got a horn of bubbles!"
  • "I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets."
  • "This is a wimp dungeon."
  • "What does this lever do?"
  • "If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!"
  • "That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..."
  • "Bow to a Demon? Never!"
  • "Elminster, you old fart, I thought you were really mad for a minute."
  • "What do you mean I turn into a bug?"
  • "Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!"
  • "What do mean feather fall wears off?"
  • "Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first."
  • "What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?"
  • "They CAN'T have initiative!"
  • "You've got 80 hit points; YOU open the treasure chest."
  • "The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex."
  • "What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What's Stoneskin do anyway?"
  • "C'mon guys... How bad could it be?!"
  • "Cmon guys, it was only a rumor, theres nothing here."
  • "So what, I have the artifact."
  • "Ok, so theres a few more of them."
  • "But I just got a little prick!"
  • "Did he say he had Plate Mail +5? I stop running and fight him!"
  • "Hey, do you guys think that this might just be an illusio... (WHACK!)"
  • "I pick the lock on the magic shop window."
  • "We charge!"

  • And the ultimate famous last word:

  • "Oops."